Dramatic Monologue based on the poem “Futility” by Wilfred Owen
We moved him into the sunlight. The sun usually does it. It usually wakes him up. Without a shadow of a doubt this was the way to make him arise from his slumber. We tried, we failed. Guilt is one of the worst feelings anyone can feel, and on such occasions one regrets their past decisions then wishes they had done something different. I had many regrets on that snowy Tuesday morning in France, one of which was not being there to protect my fallen comrade. If I was there then maybe things would have gone differently. Perhaps I could have warned him about the sniper that ,without a second thought, so precisely assassinated him with a single shot to the left side his neck, causing blood to start gushing out of his throat, leaving a large pool of blood around his corpse.
I also felt severe anger. Why did his life have to end so abruptly, at the age of only 21. He had his whole life ahead of him. He was ambitious and open to anything. He was a fighter, with a true fire in his heart and deep ocean blue eyes that could brighten a whole room. But his flame had been distinguished. I was unsettled by his death for quite a while and had numerous sleepless nights spent contemplating the reasons for war, and if there is actually someone up there controlling it all.
If so, why they would allow such events to occur? The realisation that my once closest comrade is no longer with us hit me harder than all, and we may win the war but at what cost? The loss of loved ones all for some land? Dismay spread across the world as people come to grips with not having a well valued family member around, for reasons that seize to amaze me. Initially, I joined the the army for the experience with my friends, and to travel the world. But I was young and unaware of what was in store for me. Reflecting on what it was like inside the freezing cold trenches, eating the same awful food repetitively, seeing those closest to you killed with no justification, and missing your regular life at home, I rue the day signed up. Someone once said “War, good for some, bad for most”, and that’s a quote I will live by for the rest of my life.
January 8, 2015 at 9:53 pm
Andre, this is another very strong piece of coursework with some great stuff going on. I particularly like the disillusioned tone you have created within the piece, in line with its title.
In order to improve the piece, you need to make the delineation of paragraphs clear. Your ideas must be structured into paragraphs and sequenced in a way that enhances the development of the piece. Be clear about where you are going and what you are trying to achieve through it.
Some of your sentences require punctuation. Clauses, for instance, need to be separated with commas. You have also missed some question marks.
I think you could elaborate on the moment of realisation that your comrade isn’t waking up. Talk about the feeling of panic that arose once you realised he was dead. You could really build some tension there.
Overall, a strong first draft.
Current grade:
31/40 (B)
February 6, 2015 at 7:47 am
Andre, please spend some time checking sentence structures and delineating paragraphs. This will severely hinder your mark of what has the potential to be a very strong piece of work.