Andre Bucknor: Creative Piece -Child Combatants
Based on ‘’The Right Word’’.
Some children are at school. Some children are laughing. Some children are playing. Others are child combatants.Child combatants don’t choose to be soldiers, they’re forced to. This is the story about one of those unfortunate children and what their life entails.
January 7th 1985, a child is born . Completely oblivious to what his future has in store for him, he cries out for his mother to hold him. Tolu Abioye was to become a child combatant, unwillingly and unaware. He was raised as any underprivileged African child would have been, limited food and resources but his immune system was strong as he avoided diseases such as Malaria and diarrhoea. From a young age he was seen as a strong and highly intelligent child with the potential to go far in life. He was very well disciplined and this was a quality that would prove most helpful later in his life.
Tolu’s 12th birthday was a momentous occasion for Tolu, his family and the history of Congo. This was the day Tolu Abioye was forced into the Congolese Rebel Army. During Tolu’s birthday celebration his father, Babatunde, took him outside and said “Tolu, my son, the day has finally come for you to join the army and fight your country. ”
Initially Tolu was slightly confused and startled be his father’s statement but once the situation had been further explained to him, he accepted. Tolu’s mother was fully aware of what was to come imminently.
In the coming weeks Tolu would begin his training and meet the other members of the Congolese Rebel Army. One in particular went by the name of Bull Boy. He was given this name because he was was attacked by bull at age 11 but 4 years on, only he is still alive. Bull Boy was assigned the job of introducing Tolu to the rest of the Rebel Army and to show him how and what to do in the Rebel Army. 2 months in to Tolu’s training, he was already an established young member of the Rebel Army and was the envy of many of his comrades.
December 8, 2014 at 12:47 pm
Word Count: 363
Comments: This writing shows a lot of merit, despite its short length. It has a good sense of phrasing and displays and ability to easily adapt one’s style to a serious topic. The vocabulary is fluent and displays ambition, as does some ominous phrasing e.g. “Whcih was to prove an advantage”
The piece obviously needs to be extended substantially, perhaps with the addition of some reflection on what happens in the Rebel Army. It could also form part of a case study or anaArgumentative piece, although I am guessing this is not the intention. The short length and lack of clarity on purpose limits the mark.
Provisional Mark: 20/40
December 16, 2014 at 12:37 pm
Why does he have to be called Tolu???
January 2, 2015 at 5:42 pm
Andre, Mr Price has given you some good feedback here. Either re-draft using the feedback or continue to work on the creative task you should be completing this holiday.